Liquid Courage
by TwistedBeautiful
Summary: GSR Complete! Sara drinks and is confronted about it. This is not your grandma's fiction, not much fluff to speak of and it doesn't end the way one would hope. It's good though, I swear. You should read it, and then review it.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: CSI and these fine characters aren't mine, it's unfortunate but true, please don't sue me.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at Fanfic, ever. Please read & review, be kind but be honest, I can take it. (  
  
Spoilers: Hmm, I tried not to have any spoilers but I did write this after I saw EARLY ROLLOUT, and maybe just to be safe I'll say COOL CHANGE from the first season.  
  
And away we go!  
  
*****  
  
Sara sat in the corner at the bar, she watched the sweat roll down her most recent bottle, as she pondered what had led her to take solace in the liquid inside. Sara did not have to think long to settle on the answer, she remembered it like it was yesterday. The one phone call that sent her life into an out of control spiral.  
*****  
  
The sound of the phone ringing startled Sara from her concentration on the book she was reading. Sara looked at the clock next to her bed, 11:56pm, a little late for anyone to be calling but she answered anyway, it might be work.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Sara? Hi. It's Gil, Gil Grissom." Sara's heart jumped so far she nearly fell out of bed at the sound of his voice. How long had it been? Years since Sara had heard that voice, but it still sounded just as familiar as if it was only yesterday.  
  
"Hi Grissom... to what do I owe the pleasure of your call" Sara said trying to sound as cool and as unaffected as possible.  
  
"I need to ask you a favor, a big favor. I'd like you to come to Vegas. I need help, your help. I have an internal matter that needs to be taken care of, and I need someone I trust to take care of it."  
  
"That's what Internal Affairs is for Grissom, not exactly my department, I'm a scientist, remember?" Sara wondered why the hell he would be asking to run an IA investigation, Grissom knew she was a CSI.  
  
"Yes, Sara I know you are a scientist, that's why I'm asking you to come here, I need someone I can trust doing this, and I trust you. If you come and help me take care of this investigation, I can make you a part of my team. You know the Las Vegas Crime Lab is one of the best in the country, and I- we could definitely use someone like you here."  
  
His words rang in Sara's ears, Grissom trusted her. More than anyone who worked with him now, she wondered. Grissom wanted her to work with him. Of all the people Grissom could have picked, he picked her. How could Sara say no to being hand-picked to work in the Las Vegas Crime Lab by a man who is reveled in his field, by a man who trusted her? She could not, that's how.  
  
Sara sighed, "I'll come do your investigation, Grissom. When I get there, I'll let you know if I want to stay."  
  
"Fair enough. I need you to be here as soon as possible though, it's a hot case."  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can."  
  
"All right, I'll brief you when you get here."  
  
"Bye." With that Sara was out the door and on a plane to Vegas within two hours.  
  
Sara was startled out of her reminiscing by the bartender sitting another beer in front of her. Sara would have never guessed four years ago that such an innocent conversation would have her sitting alone, at six o'clock in the morning, at a bar. Sara was on the verge of a burn out, she was sad, but more than anything she was alone and very aware of all three.  
  
What the hell happened to her? Sara knew the answer to that question even before she asked it, Grissom. Grissom happened to her...again. He happened and changed her whole perspective, Sara was sure Grissom hadn't the slightest idea just how much he affected her. From the first moment they met Sara knew that there was only one place she wanted to be, wherever he was. And to this very day, even after everything they had been through, no matter how cool she appeared on the outside, on the inside Sara melted every time Grissom walked into the room.  
  
"Damn him." Sara whispered to no one in particular as she traced the mouth of her third, no fourth beer bottle with her finger.  
  
Sara felt the presence of the person sitting down in the stool next to her. Frankly, she was more than a little pissed off that someone would sit next to her seeing as though she had chosen the last stool at the bar to avoid just this situation. It was OK though, she was about ready to head home anyway.  
  
"I heard a rumor I might find you here."  
  
Melt. Sara did not even have to look up for her heart to start into palpitations. She was determined not to let him see her pain, as if it wasn't obvious by the line of bottles on the bar in front of her. Sara stuffed her hand into her pocket and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, she tossed it onto the bar in front of her and stood from her seat. Sara felt herself wobble with intoxication it took a few seconds for her to feel steady on her feet, but she managed. Slowly, one foot in front of the other, Sara found the courage and the strength to make her way out of the bar, she never looked back, not once, it was a small victory. She had made her decision, the hardest decision of her life. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: CSI is still not mine, please don't come after me, I don't have anything good anyway I'm just a poor college student.  
  
Author's note: Thanks so much for the positive feedback. Here is chapter two, yay! You know the drill, please read & review  
  
***** Sara woke up and looked at the clock, 4:30pm, plenty of time before she had to be to work. Definitely enough time to kill this hangover, she though to herself as she pushed the covers off and started on her way to the kitchen. Sara started the coffee pot and grabbed the bottle of aspirin off the counter, she did not have a bad hangover, nothing a couple aspirin chased with coffee and a hot shower wouldn't cure, but none the less her head was pounding.  
  
Sara sat down at her breakfast bar waiting for the coffee to brew and tried to replay the events of earlier that had delivered her to the current state she was in. Sara remembered stopping at the bar on her way home, and she remembered having a few drinks and making her way home, a routine that was becoming an all too familiar part of her life. The coffee had finished brewing and Sara poured herself a mug full and walked to the bathroom to start the water in the shower.  
  
Sara's head was still pounding when she stepped in the shower, but the almost scalding water was definitely helping dull the pain. Sara tried to clear her mind, but there was something that was bothering her, she just couldn't put her finger on it though. Sara's mind raced as she tried to remember, was there something she had forgotten to do, somewhere she was supposed to be?  
  
Suddenly it hit her like a bullet straight to the heart, "Oh my God," Sara put her head in her hands, "Grissom." The water from the shower pounded on her body as she crumpled to the floor of the bathtub. Sara remembered how cold she had been earlier, and felt the guilt and remorse creeping up on her as she wiped at the mix of tears and water droplets that had begun to roll down her cheeks. The decision Sara had made had been in haste and alcohol, she knew that as strong a woman as she was, she was still not strong enough to let go, not now, and not yet.  
  
Sara had finally gotten out of the shower, the water had started to run cold, and she knew it was getting late. Sara got dressed and gathered all her things together and got ready to head off to work. She stopped off in the kitchen and grabbed her travel mug out of the cabinet, Sara started to fill it with coffee when something caught her eye. Sitting on top of her refrigerator, Sara saw her half-empty bottle of Vodka. Without a second thought, Sara reached for the bottle and topped off her mug with the liquid.  
  
Sara brought the bottle to her lips and tipped it, pouring the clear alcohol into her mouth. It burned, it brought her back to her senses and Sara leaned over the sink and spit the Vodka out. Sara reached for the coffee mug and emptied it down the drain, followed by what was left in the bottle.  
  
She knew she was stronger than this, stronger than the liquid that was pouring from the bottle, so what happened to her? Why, after all that she has been through and everything she has seen, is it all just now catching up to her? No, it was just that the last straw had been placed, the straw that screamed at and taunted Sara, "See, you did have a chance, and you blew it, good for you, alone still."  
  
"Damn it!" Sara screamed as she threw the empty bottle against the wall. The bottle shattered into a thousand pieces that sprinkled themselves on the floor.  
  
Sara slowly gathered herself together but left the broken bottle on the floor, it would be there when she got home, right now though she had to get to work. Sara took a deep breath and grabbed her keys off the counter, she glanced at her watch, she was definitely going to be late.  
*****  
  
Sara finally made it to work, she was close to a half-hour late, but once you are late, how late really just became a technicality. Sara made her way down the hall and she saw that everyone else was still in the break room, she hoped they were not all waiting for her, that would surely be the icing on this cake.  
  
There was no sneaking into the room, as soon as she opened the door to the break room everyone turned to look at her, well almost everyone. Sara could not quite decide which was worse as she took a seat on the couch, Warrick, Nick and Catherine staring at her, or Grissom, continuing on with handing out assignments like she had been there the whole time.  
  
"Catherine, you and Warrick have a double homicide at the Three Aces Hotel," Grissom started, "and Nick you are with me, it's a DB out at Lake Meade. You go ahead out and I'll meet you there, I have some business to attend to first. OK guys, have a good night." And with that the room cleared out.  
  
"What about me, Gris?" Sara asked standing from the couch.  
  
"Sara, why don't you come to my office for a minute, I think we need to have a little talk." Grissom walked out of the break room and Sara hesitantly followed.  
  
Shit. Sara was sure she knew what was about to go down. It wasn't like she could actually be in trouble though, Sara had not done anything wrong, on second thought, maybe she did not really know what this was all about. Maybe Grissom was just trying to be her friend, because he is such a friendly guy. Sara rolled her eyes at that thought as she walked in to Grissom's office and stood in front of his desk.  
  
"What's up?" Sara asked as Grissom sat down behind his desk.  
  
Grissom looked at her over his glasses, "Are you OK to work tonight?"  
  
Sara's jaw dropped and she felt the beginnings of anger creep into her, surely he knew her better than this, "YES! I'm fine, you saw me over twelve hours ago, I am completely sober Grissom."  
  
"Exactly, I saw you twelve hours ago, I don't have a clue what you did after you left that bar. Brass told me about your cough drop incident the other day. That's why I have to do this." With that Grissom set a sealed urine sample cup on his desk in front of her, "You will also have to give me a blood sample and I'll need to do a Breathalyzer now. If you pass the Breathalyzer you can work tonight, you have a case you are still working on, you can stay here and work on it. You'll be on-call though if we need you in the field. It is reasonable cause, Sara, I'm sorry."  
  
"You have to be kidding me Grissom, I'm not a drug addict! So I had a few drinks, it's not a crime, I can not believe this. You are treating me like a criminal!" There was that anger that had been creeping into her. "I'm going to pass all your tests, this is unbelievable!" Sara grabbed the cup off the desk and stormed out of Grissom's office.  
  
Sara met Grissom in the lab a few minutes later, sample in hand. She handed the cup over to Greg who immediately began working on it. There was something remotely degrading about having a co-worker analyze your urine sample while your boss gave you a breath test, but she was strong enough to deal with it.  
  
"I'm only doing this because I care about you." Grissom said breaking the silence in the room as he held out the end of the Breathalyzer to Sara.  
  
"Yeah, right." Sara whispered before taking a deep breath and blowing into the tube.  
  
"What," Grissom said sharply before realizing there were other people in the room and took a few steps closer to Sara before lowering his voice," you don't think I care about you? I do. That is exactly why I am doing this, if something happened to you..." Grissom trailed off as he looked down at the results of the test, "you are fine, you can stay."  
  
He just said he cared about me, Sara thought to herself, fine time to admit to that.  
  
"Go figure, I am sober. I could have told you that, wait, I did tell you that." Sara snapped back at Grissom.  
  
Grissom looked back up at Sara, "I am just looking out for you, Sara. I haven't done anything. Go start on that case you are working on, I'll come find you later."  
  
Sara turned and walked out of the lab. "Exactly Griss, you haven't done anything." Sara said to herself as she started down the hall. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long for me to update, I've been busy with school and whatnot. But I have the week off, so I might be able to pump out another chapter this week too. Thanks for all the comments, I'm glad you all are enjoying this story.  
  
Let the fun begin!  
  
Sara sat on a stool in the lab, what a day it had been, she thought to herself as she scanned the evidence spread out in front of her. Between Grissom on her back about her drinking and the dead end case she was working, Sara really wanted a drink. Sara closed her eyes and let her forehead hit the table in front of her in frustration.  
  
"Sara?"  
  
Sara's eyes shot open and she picked her head up off the table, "I'm not sleeping." She said as she started to stare at the evidence in front of her.  
  
"I know, you don't sleep." Grissom said coolly leaning against the doorframe. "I'm going home, and I suggest that you do the same."  
  
"I sleep." Sara said on the defense starting to gather up the things on the table, "you just wouldn't know since this is the first actual conversation we've had in months." Sara looked up from the table expecting to see Grissom still leaning against the frame of the door, he was gone.  
  
Sara turned into the parking lot of a little dive of a bar and parked her car. If there was one place where no one would find her wallowing in self- destruct mode it was here Sara thought as she pulled open the door to the bar.  
  
Sara scanned the room as the door closed behind her. It was a smoky bar, the kind of place illuminated by neon beer signs and pool table lights. Sara did not see anyone she recognized so she made her way to the far corner of the bar. Then she saw him, sitting at the far corner of the bar. Damn.  
  
"Sara, funny meeting you here." Grissom's statement dripped with I-told- you-so.  
  
"And I was just leaving." Sara said as she turned to go.  
  
Grissom put his hand on her arm, "You just got here, you obviously weren't just leaving, I watched you walk in the door."  
  
Sara's head spun. Is he touching me? Yes, yes he is. Wait, you are mad remember, stand your ground, Sara.  
  
"Look Grissom, I am off tomorrow, if I want to have a drink I can. If I want to drink myself in to oblivion, I can do that too." Sara sat down on the stool next to him and ordered a beer. "You are only my boss when I am wearing police ID."  
  
Grissom reached down and pulled at the seam of Sara's coat. He dangled her ID in front of Sara's face and chuckled softly under his breath.  
  
"Technicality." Sara grabbed the tag out of his hand and stuffed it in her purse. Sara continued to dig through her purse until she found her cigarettes, there was something about having a drink that made her want a cigarette. Maybe there was something about having a drink with Grissom that made her want a cigarette, but nonetheless, she could not find a lighter.  
  
Grissom holding a lighter in front of her asked, "I thought you quit years ago?" surprised Sara as she lit her cigarette off of his lighter.  
  
"You seem to think you know a lot more about me than you actually do." Sara said as she took a drink of her beer.  
  
"You know I was just looking out for you today, when I asked you to be tested. The lab really needs you to be focused, you are an asset and..."  
  
Sara cut him off, "I wish when you talked to me you didn't hide behind the lab. When I talk to you I want to have a conversation between you and me. Not a conversation between you, me, and a bunch of people who aren't here. Just take a minute, while we are sitting here, not at work, and tell me how YOU feel, not 'the lab'."  
  
Grissom stared into his glass for what seemed like an eternity, and processed what Sara had just said to him. He thought about all the fluffy answers he could have given her, he even thought about just getting up and leaving, but for whatever reason Grissom chose that moment to just come clean.  
  
"I was just looking out for you. Because if anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do. I am sure that I would feel responsible. I need you."  
  
Those words echoed in Sara's head. She quickly called the bartender over and asked him to pour her a shot of tequila.  
  
The two sat in silence for the next half-hour. Sara continued doing shots, rendering her completely incapacitated, while Grissom finally finished the drink he had been working on since he sat down.  
  
Sara was the first to break the silence as she paid her tab, "I am going to go home now." Sara stood from her seat and immediately stumbled, bracing herself on Grissom's shoulder.  
  
"Sara, I am going to take you home, you're not driving." Grissom said standing up next to her.  
  
"I want to go to my house." Sara said as she draped her arm across Grissom's shoulder.  
  
"Good, because that is where I was planning on taking you." Grissom wrapped his arm around Sara's waist as they headed towards the door.  
  
"Good." Sara said and laid her head on Grissom's shoulder. As the two made their way to Grissom's car, Sara took a deep breath and sighed, "You smell good, Grissom. Have I ever told you that?"  
  
"No Sara, you haven't." Grissom opened the passenger door for her and helped her into his car.  
  
"Well, I should have. You do smell good." Grissom closed the car door and walked around to the other side. He got in and looked over at Sara, she had fallen asleep.  
  
"Thank you." Grissom whispered as he started the car and headed towards Sara's place. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still not mine, mom was right, life isn't fair.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to get this out, I had major writer's block, I didn't want it to get too fluffy, and it didn't, so I like it now, after something like 4 revisions. Better late than never. Again, if anyone wants to Beta for me, drop me an email. Reviews are appreciated, good and bad, flames will be used to start bonfires in my back yard.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Grissom pulled up to Sara's building and parked, he looked over at Sara in the passenger seat, she was still sound asleep. Grissom watched her sleep for a minute, the way the light from the street lamps cast shadows across her face. Sara looked almost peaceful, a look Grissom was sure he hadn't seen on her face in a long time, it was almost a shame to wake her up.  
  
"Sara." Grissom whispered as he touched her shoulder, "We're here."  
  
Sara stirred in the seat and opened her eyes. She definitely was not feeling her best right now. Sara sat up and reoriented herself with her surroundings, her stomach was churning and her head was spinning.  
  
"Thanks for bringing me home Grissom." Sara said as she opened the door and stepped out of the car. Sara was much shakier on her feet than she anticipated; she was noticeably hanging on the car door trying to get herself together.  
  
"Sara, let me help you inside, you can barely stand." Grissom said as he got out of the car and started around to the other side.  
  
"No Grissom, I'm fine." Sara shut the car door and turned to go into the building. Sara missed the step up on to the curb and tripped, she fell face first straight into Grissom's chest.  
  
Grissom caught Sara settling his hands on her sides, "Still don't want me to help you?" Grissom half smiled as he helped Sara stand back up.  
  
Sara pushed back off of Grissom, "No, Grissom, I don't want your help." Sara began to dig through her purse for her keys, as she pulled them out she dropped them.  
  
Grissom bent down to pick up the keys, "Sara, let me take you upstairs, I don't want you to hurt yourself. Please, for my own peace of mind."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and started up the stairs to her apartment with Grissom in tow, his hand resting on the small of her back. When the two reached the door Sara began to dig for her keys again, Grissom smiled as he watched her; he let her look for a minute and then dangled her keys from his finger in front of her face. Sara grabbed them from him and fumbled as she unlocked the door.  
  
As they walked in Grissom studied the room as if it was a crime scene, the place was a disaster area, the coffee table was covered with dirty dishes and half-empty glasses of soda and bottles of water. The kitchen counter was littered with trash, bunched up paper towels, empty soda bottles and junk mail. There were clothes strew all over the room. Grissom noticed the only part of the apartment that was not trashed was the desk in the corner. The bookcases were packed full, and there were more books stacked neatly on the floor on either side of Sara's computer desk as well as a few books laying open on the desk. Grissom's eye caught a small stack of clothes folded in a laundry basket next to the door, he walked over and sorted through it, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and handed them to Sara as she sat down on the couch.  
  
"I'm going to make some coffee before I go." Grissom said as he walked into the kitchen. He heard something crunch under his feet and looked down to see shards of glass scattered on the floor.  
  
Sara had heard the sound of the glass in the kitchen and leaned her head against the back of the couch and laughed, "Before I left for work today I told myself I wasn't going to drink anymore. I planned to be sober enough to clean that up when I got home."  
  
"Well, it's a good thing one of us is sober then." Grissom started the coffee and bent down to clean up the glass.  
  
"You don't have to clean that up, I'll get it later." Sara said even though she heard him sweeping up the glass. Sara wondered why Grissom was being so nice to her right now, it was not like she really deserved to be treated so well by him. She had a feeling that he was motivated by pity, two days in a row he had seen her alone and so drunk she could barely stand.  
  
"Grissom?"  
  
"Yeah?" Grissom stood and walked over to the trash can to throw away the broken glass. He noticed that Sara had decided to change into the clothes he had gotten for her, right there in the middle of the living room she was pulling on her sweatpants.  
  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Sara asked as she stripped off the shirt she was wearing, completely oblivious to Grissom standing in the kitchen.  
  
Grissom swallowed hard, desperately trying to tear his eyes off of Sara, " I, um... Well..." Grissom trailed off and turned around to check the coffee, it was done. Thank God. Grissom opened a few cabinets before he found a mug; he filled it and took to Sara, who was now fully clothed in sweats and a LVPD T-shirt and lying on the couch.  
  
"You just seem like you might need someone to be nice to you right now." Grissom said handing Sara the mug and then sitting down in the office chair at Sara's desk.  
  
Sara laughed, "And you think that someone should be you? That's a little out of character of you don't you think."  
  
"I don't know Sara," Grissom said feeling a little defensive, "I just am. Anyway, I should probably get going, you need to sleep this off." Grissom stood up and took the coffee cup from Sara and set it on the end table, he then pulled the throw from the back of the couch and covered her.  
  
"Oh no you don't, you can't get out of this one. Answer the question and then you can go. Why are you being so nice to me?" Sara watched him intently as he searched for an answer.  
  
"Sara, I've never not been nice to you." Grissom said trying desperately to avoid looking into Sara's eyes.  
  
"Don't be patronizing, Grissom." Sara said starting to sound irritated, "And stop beating around the bush and answer the question. Why are you being so nice to me now after so long of all but pretending I don't exist? You feel bad for me don't you? No, that can't be it, you don't FEEL anything. You think I have a problem, that has to be it. You think I have a problem, and you just want to make sure that you aren't the cause so you don't have to feel responsible. So that you can rest easy knowing that my self-distruction is motivated by someone or something other than you, right?" Sara laid her head back and closed her eyes, just waiting to hear what Grissom had to say.  
  
"So, that's what you think? You really think that I have no emotion at all. Well Sara, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but while I might not get emotionally involved with my work, I do HAVE emotions. And you know what, I DO feel bad for you Sara, and I DO think that you have a problem." Grissom raised his voice slightly to get his point across, "And frankly, it doesn't matter what this is motivated by, whether it's me, or work, or anything else, it needs to stop, you have a problem and you need help. That's why I'm being nice, Sara, because I want to help you."  
  
"Well it is you, Grissom." Sara said sitting up, "You drive me crazy. One day you and I can work together and have a conversation together without a second thought and the next day we can barely be in the same room together without filling it with tension. I just can't handle it anymore, it's been going on for way too long." Sara rubbed her face and sighed, "I'm just tired of day to day waiting to see how things will be between us so that I can determine what my day will be like. Lately, my days have been pretty bad."  
  
Grissom moved from his seat on the coffee table to the couch next to Sara. He knew how she felt, and honestly, he was feeling just as frustrated with their situation. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity before Grissom finally broke the tension.  
  
"I'm sorry." Grissom barely whispered, "I'm sorry things had to get to this point, I suppose if I knew how things would have turned this way, I would have done some things differently." Grissom sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the back of the couch.  
  
Sara was taken aback by Grissom's apology, it was not like him to apologize, especially to her, but she also did not think that this situation was deserved of an apology. "Don't apologize, Grissom. I don't regret anything that has happened, you shouldn't either. I just don't think I can take much more of it." Sara paused and took a deep breath, " They offered me my job back in San Francisco, I think it would be good for both of us if I go, we need to be away from each other. Things won't get better unless we get some space and time between us, they won't get worse either."  
  
Sara waited for Grissom's reply, she expected him to say she was crazy to think that running away from a problem will fix it, or that he did not want her to go. When he did not say anything, Sara looked over to Grissom only to see him sound asleep.  
  
Sara smiled and stood from the couch, she reached down and took Grissom's glasses off and set them on the end table, and she gently ran her hand through his hair before making her way to her bedroom. Sleep quickly overcame her.  
  
A few hours later, Sara woke up and dragged herself out of bed and into the living room. She half expected to still see Grissom sleeping on the couch, but she was surprised to see that he had already left. Sara sat down at her desk and noticed a note taped to the computer screen addressed to her in Grissom's handwriting:  
  
Sara,  
I think you are right, we do need some time apart, but I wish it didn't have to be this way. Maybe someday we'll be able to make each other happy, until then we can only work on making ourselves happy. Good Luck in Frisco, keep in touch.  
  
Love,  
Grissom 


End file.
